Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Queen Momma's starring in her own reality show!

People have been asking me why I haven't blogged in a while... I've been asking myself the same question.  Has my brain turned to mush? Is my life that boring that I can't think of anything to write?  And, if it is, don't I even have the imagination to make something up?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Trust me, it's a big deal!

My children. Well, not children anymore.  My babies! Yes, always my babies.

My daughter.  Beautiful.  From the moment she was born. Truly.  Those pursed lips.  That thick dark hair.  Those brown, nigh black, hypnotizing eyes.  The olive skin.  One adorable dimple.  A more beautiful baby you never saw.  And. Today.  More beautiful than ever.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Butts, Pimps and Wine and that's just one night!

We.  My girlfriends and I.   Are bad asses.... well not really, but we are bad! .... okay we're asses, but enough with the technicalities.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Oooh Oooh That Smell, Can't You Smell that Smell?

While this blog is PG rated I give you my express permission to insert expletive language where you see fit!  Hint:  Try every other word!!

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Next Martha is My Guest Blogger *clapping hands*


Well, as you can imagine, after Blogher10 @TheNextMartha has her swagger on so, despite my wit and charm, it still took some "buttering" up to get her to guest blog for me.  Under normal circumstances she would have been begging to guest for me but, thanks to that ego-feeding, blogger-bonding, cult-like event held in NY, my hometown, a couple of weeks ago, @TheNextMartha believes that she can name her price.  So, as accommodating as I am, I did not allow her to stop at just 2 cakes, I insisted that she was worth at least 5 cakes ...chocolate...which I begrudgingly ate.  I suffered for you, my readers!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Hey, you!.... Wanna get into bed with me? ;)

I spent a lot of time just sitting today, eating bon bons doing, well, nothing frankly...

It has been torrentially pouring on and off for two days now and a combination of allergies and a cold has crippled me with the queen of all headaches (me being Queen Momma and all);

Sunday, August 22, 2010

What's your fun ratio?

I have come to the realization that with age, the ratio of fun to exhaustion doubles yearly.

1 Hour of Fun = 2 hours Exhaustion  x Age

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

No need of a laxative here....

I don't know what direction this post is going to take.

I have no topic in mind.  No satirical story to embarrass my family.  No tale to tell.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Are you there God? It's Me, Queen Momma.....

Don't be jealous, but recently, I got to spend not one but two entire days at  the DMV!
I know, I know, awesome right?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

And, this is one of the reasons they call me "Queen" ......

Hurry, hurry, emergency!
Don't get in the way of me
I'm in a hurry can't you see
What is your problem? Stupidity?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Hey! Guess who's blogger of the week over at http://www.littleelfs.com/ <3 ... Me! That's who!! 

(**walking away now with a cocky swagger :) **)


Don't I know you!?

Surely, I'm not the only person who talks to them self  in the mirror?  Certainly, you have those moments when you are the only company you seek or desire.  Or, perhaps you are simply not as charming and captivating as I am and therefore have not fallen into the trap.

Friday, July 16, 2010

black cats, fat elves and rabbits feet

Sweet Merciful Crap HOLY SHIT!  I AM an Old Wife!? You know the infamous "Old Wives Tales".   No, I don't mean saggy, wrinkly, buttocks..... I'm referring to the urban legends, the so-called "proverbs", the "tales" that consist of  foolish, made up drivel.  When the hell did that happen? 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Trip Down Memory Lane


From a blog entitled "A trip down memory lane" you're probably expecting some sort of journal, diary, memento of my life, starting as a child and progressing through the awkward tween years, the irritating teen years, the partying 20s, the awakening of the 30s and the enlightening of the 40s....and that would be one very exciting story, I can GU-AR-AN-TY you that!....the problem?  the "trip" and the "memory" parts ...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.

This weeks Blog Hop is #FindingHope....

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.  ~Christopher Reeve

 When I was younger, "hope" meant "wish",  usually with a selfish twist, not being totally sure of the outcome... first star, fairy princess, coin-in-a-fountain types of wishes.... the kind you didn't need to work for, just sat back and waited for the magic .... I "hope" he asks me out, I "hope" I pass this test, I "hope" my parents don't find out I ----,   ....well I'm not going to spill it now!  HOPE was all about me, what I wanted for me...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I need some mo' Joe to get back my mojo

This morning I faked sleeping.  I know immature, selfish.  I couldn't help it and, if you've read any of my other posts, you would have to agree, I kind of earned it.  Besides, people fake a lot more serious things than that to make other people feel good....today I wanted to feel good. 

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Monday, June 28, 2010

A Letter to Myself (a/k/a "The BiPolar Memorandum")

Dear Princess Daughter (clearly I am not yet the  Queen Momma),

     I'm writing this letter to you, umm, me, Us?  from some time in the future...not so that you might change things because I/you/we are a very happy somewhat psychotic mother and trophy wife now and have become the person we are today because of the bumpy path we have traveled and the lucky decisions we have made.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

You are my babies still!

This is a poem/letter I wrote to both of my children years ago 
when they told me I "worry to much!"
They are almost 16 and 20 now and it still holds true

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Re-Post for Father's Day

I wrote this poem about my father reminding my children not to let anything/one get the best of them!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Summer..you turn me upside down!

I can't believe it! 
It's Summer? 
Already?      
Bu-bu-but (ha! I said butt) (real mature)
That's impossible, it can't be, I  haven't even finished the Spring cleaning yet! ...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Can Chihuahas swim ??

My daughter, DDA, has a fish tank....a 100 gal, 500 lb.  fish tank...and therein lies my reason for this therapy session subject of blog.......

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

How many times did you do IT this week??

Today I hosted that long-awaited, highly anticipated, much-needed girls luncheon at my home and I have to say I was not disappointed (didn't think I would be)! 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

If you had just ONE wish ......what would it be?

I have decided that the over-sized, lion-headed fountain that Prince Charming and I splurged on recently is a Wishing Fountain.   It's my fountain and I can do that!  Who's going to complain? Who wants to argue? 

Monday, June 7, 2010

I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake!

I feel the need to remind you that I am sleep deprived and as such should not and cannot be held responsible for, or unfairly judged by,  my irrational, heartless thoughts and actions, hereafter depicted.


Sunday, June 6, 2010

Things that go BOOM in the night!

I stuffed cotton in my ears last night and sat in the closet...Really.  No joke.   No, I don't have an ear infection or swimmer's ear and I have not been diagnosed clinically insane (at least not yet)... I just needed an escape, a refuge, SILENCE!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Mangia!

Prince Charming is sick in bed today, Sunday, of Memorial Day weekend.  An apparent case of food poisoning from the 'samplings' at Costco yesterday and by "samplings" I mean "FEAST".

Saturday, May 29, 2010

YIKES!


Haven't blogged in a while...truth is, all that I am woman, hear me roar was bullshit baloney (B-O-L-O-G-N-A) .... I'm scared to death.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Love thumbbuddy!

I promise to never take my thumbs, well more specifically my right thumb, for granted again!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

luck be a lady tonight!

I soo should have bet on the Preakness today.... the daring, wild soul that I am, I pretended to; yes, you heard me, I placed a make-believe bet, a middle-aged imaginary adventure.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

.......and Johnny Depp would be my lover!

When I started, I thought this blogger thing was all about feeling good, making people laugh.  But, the more I read, the more I see reality isn't off limits.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

They're coming to take me away! .... wait, I'll pack my bags!

That's it! The kids think I've  lost it.... they've had their suspicions for a while but apparently now  it's "official" ...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Hat Pack

What would you do without your girlfriends, besides clean your house, save money and be much thinner (and sober).......

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Last time I invite you to my party!

One of the esteemed blogger/twitters that I follow, Mommy Wants Vodka (which coincidentally is also one of my favorite chants, substitute Merlot for Vodka) unintentionally caused me severe distress yesterday.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Been there, done that!!

One of the trending topics on twitter today is I am old and boring (#iamoldandboring) ....

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Ode to getting older (a/k/a WTF?)

Tinkle, tinkle, oh dear god!
It happens when I laugh too hard
It even happens when I fly
something about gravity and the sky
it also happens when I sneeze
someone pass the Depends PLEASE!

I have two teenagers..you don't want to mess with me!

With all the pent up anxiety and stress I'm understandably experiencing this week.....and believing that positive thinking and strong will play a very important part of getting through such situations, I got to thinking....

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I slept with one eye open..

I slept with one eye open last night...I think it was that damn article someone posted yesterday about the cat who tried to kill it's human family.....no joke...see for yourself: My Cat Tried to Kill Me!! http://su.pr/30cyfc .  And, as I've mentioned before, I have 3 cats! 

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

If I was a man this would've been so much whinier!

I'm baaack! ....and, I must admit,  sooner than I expected too!  But I was thinking (for a change), this is the time when I need my friends and cyber-friends.  In fact I can already feel the warmth pouring out of my computer... Oh?  that's just the battery overheating?  Well, I know it's there...

Friday, April 23, 2010

One of My More Serious Moments....Just can't seem to avoid them :/

      !@#$%^& ... Got some unexpected news yesterday which has numbed my entire body, especially my funny bone, and just when I was on a roll (and NO there was no wine involved, this time!)...

Your guess is as good (or bad) as mine!

I started organizing our family photos the other day......trust me, it's not an easy task.....but I was getting worried because my recollection is not what it used to be and I fear that if I wait any longer, I'll be too confused, overwhelmed.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

You can't buy happiness?!

Prince Charming (PC)  called in a panic this afternoon..."Holy Sh*t (sweet merciful crap), Sir Bossman is in town and wants to have dinner with the family!"

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ These are a few of my FAV-O-RITE thingsssssssssss........HicCup. :) ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

Husbands with presents and children that listen
Remembering to lift the seat when they're pissing
(sorry but urinating doesn't rhyme)
Tiffany packages, diamonds and rings
These are a few of my favorite things

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

♪ ♫ cockadoodle- DON'T!

It's 4:22 am....I know that because, aside from the dimly glowing screen on my monitor as I vent type this, the only light for miles (well, at least in my house) is the obnoxiously, illuminated, digital clock with the blazing red numbers, like the eyes of some horrible monster  lurking in the night, that keeps reminding me:

Monday, April 19, 2010

♪ ♫ WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK ♪ ♫ (or better yet, have a glass of wine!)

So, my dishwasher broke, AGAIN....apparently,  unless I WASH the dishes before I put them in the dishWASHER, they don't get clean!!!!  UGH...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I've got a secret!!!!!

Eureka! Hallelujah! Woot Woot! Hooray! Hot Diggety Dog (a little over the top?) Sorry, can't help it. I believe I have just found the answer to every woman's prayers!