One of the esteemed blogger/twitters that I follow, Mommy Wants Vodka (which coincidentally is also one of my favorite chants, substitute Merlot for Vodka) unintentionally caused me severe distress yesterday. She tweeted that she was "hunting zombies" to which I, jokingly of course, responded "...i think they were here..."
I laughed, shrugged it off, filed it in that part of my brain marked "pithy little twips with fellow bloggers", poured myself a glass of merlot (this lady's vodka) and comfortably situated myself in the over-sized, overpriced chair in the family room to watch the highly anticipated, often baffling show, American Idol.
I don't know whether it was the fact that Prince Charming is out of town (doubtfully, since it's a commonplace occurrence during the week) or that there was a howling wind causing the branch on the oak in the yard to hit the side of the house periodically.... it just may have been the horrible screeching coming from the less-than-talented contestants on AI this year (yes, this was one of the baffling shows).... whatever it was, I could not seem to shake the apprehension, the foreboding that something, someone was lurking in the distance...
I laughed, shrugged it off, filed it in that part of my brain marked "pithy little twips with fellow bloggers", poured myself a glass of merlot (this lady's vodka) and comfortably situated myself in the over-sized, overpriced chair in the family room to watch the highly anticipated, often baffling show, American Idol.
I don't know whether it was the fact that Prince Charming is out of town (doubtfully, since it's a commonplace occurrence during the week) or that there was a howling wind causing the branch on the oak in the yard to hit the side of the house periodically.... it just may have been the horrible screeching coming from the less-than-talented contestants on AI this year (yes, this was one of the baffling shows).... whatever it was, I could not seem to shake the apprehension, the foreboding that something, someone was lurking in the distance...
I pulled myself together, as we mother's are always expected to do when their offspring is faced with potential danger......I decided to face it head on and "it" I had convinced myself, correctly or not, was a zombie .... In order to defeat any adversary, it is wise to understand their workings, become one with your foe, get inside his brain (before he eats yours!). Right there I'm lost...I am by no stretch of the imagination a vegetarian, I dare anyone who has ever had my mother's pot roast to be, but eating human flesh and brains is where I draw the line. I understand that they are mindless, shambling decaying corpses but with nachos, chocolate and PB&J in my cupboard, why eat.....me?
Enough trying to rationalize.. I began my research.... right out of the gate my worries were doubled. It appears, that Zombies never travel alone. They "are always in packs, or worse, hordes." This was going to call for drastic measures.....I poured myself another glass of merlot, my Popeye spinach, and read on. Weapons to fight zombies: (1) Pick axe?....ice pick! close enough.....(2) brass knuckles? WTH!...ummmm, A roll of coins, quick thinking me (patting myself on the back), (3) Metal baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire? Got the bat, I keep that under my bed normally in case of any LIVING intruders... I gathered all the tools around me and waited..........................................and waited...................................................and waited.............................
...... apparently not only are zombies disgusting they are also very rude... I waited all night for those deadbeats to show up! ...... I'll be ready for them next time!
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