Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Hat Pack

What would you do without your girlfriends, besides clean your house, save money and be much thinner (and sober).......

Falling second only to my family (and even then it's a close call*), my pals are a crucial  part of my life and more importantly, my sanity.  I'm very fortunate.  I am blessed with many girlfriends, some of which I have known since as far back as when the dinosaurs roamed kindergarten, each of whom holds a special place in my heart.  There is nothing I couldn't ask of any of them, and them of me, except maybe to borrow their LV pocketbook.   Some are near, some are far but all are always in my heart and on my laptop thanks to FB.

Then there are the neighborhood girls, hereinafter referred to as "the gang",  for easy reference, but also frankly just because I like the mysterious connotation it conjures up, we bad!  

We, the gang,  are a group of 7 ladies  (and I use that term loosely) the majority of whom have been together since the birth of my first child, now 19 (Now, there's no need to go trying to figure out my age...I'm mature, I'll tell you... I'm ....32!  can we continue now?)... 
Looking at us you might consider us a bit mismatched, a peculiar partnership, an odd array.  You've got one who often suctions plastic grapes to her face because, well because they are there; and another who either believes it to be her inherent duty or just simply finds it titillating to shock us with her obscure costumes at any random time (I'd share pix but fear for those who are weak of heart.  Trust me, you should be thanking me). Bananas are not safe in our presence (dont ask); we are required to give each other gifts on our own birthdays; and god help anyone who serves us pasta on a plate instead of a  bowl! (whatsamatter with you?)   Each of us (bar me, of course)  has our quirks, our little oddities, our unique personalities.  We are as much different as we are alike. But somehow it works.  
Throughout the years, others have tried to penetrate the bond that holds us together, engage in the antics, share in the shenanigans, but all have failed miserably.  You can't really blame them.  They're curious, envious!  I certainly would be if I (Gasp!) weren't lucky enough to be one of the insiders.  You see, aside from being 7 of the most enchanting, delightful, and captivating women you could ever wish to encounter, we are a hell of a lot of fun!  We laugh (and cry) until we snort, or pee, or both (if we do both, our job is done)!    Now, I ask you.  How much more alluring can you get?  I know what you're thinking, but don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm sorry to have to inform you but there's no room, the club is closed, the latch is locked, the invitations mailed... (although I'm easily distracted by shiny objects) .... We are, dare I say, perfect companions. 
While the magnitudes are different,we all look through the same rose colored glasses, and if one of us is having trouble focusing, the others are right there to help them see more clearly;

We understand there will be times one of us requires some (retail) therapy and we will without hesitation drop anything to assist (twist my arm).  We can and will shop to the point of exhaustion or threat of  bankruptcy (often hitting 3 or more HomeGoods in a day!) if necessary;

Nothing is denied.  I remember a specific occasion when one of our members (we're a gang, remember) needed several corks for a craft project.  This was a tough one (Not!)  but as difficult as it was, we gathered those corks (and empty bottles) very daintily of course, and in record time (whatever it takes)!  We proudly boast that we can drink any man under the table (and have... literally... under the table).  We are women hear us roar!  To this day I don't believe that craft was ever completed but the point is it could be if she so desired;

Often, we can be found swapping cake recipes and diet secrets simultaneously while seriously contemplating the quandry of why our weight fluctuates (hmmmm I wonder?) multi-tasking at it's finest! (although we have also successfully combined this with shopping while drinking wine); 

We have spent entire weekends together, 7 women!, without an argument! (sure there's some whining here and there, we are women after all,  but nothing a handful of chocolate and a few bottles of wine can't solve, or at the very least render us unconscious thereby causing us to forget what it was we were whining/wine-ing about);

We value our time when we're together and anxiously anticipate the next when we're not.  We are strong, invincible ..  We've been through it all, the good (and there have been many), the bad (too many) and the ugly (you know that awkward stage your kids go through, yuck) the ups, the downs and the in-betweens.  And we know, through them all, we are never alone!

While I shutter at the thought of  being the first one to leave the room, thereby rendering myself  fair game for jokes and criticism  (after all, women will be women) and find it necessary to pat each of them down and take inventory of my "things" after they leave my home, who doesn't?, oh, really? you think it's a problem? .... Ahh! You're just jealous because you're not an insider! .... I couldn't imagine my life without them.
I can't quite picture it now, quite honestly we're all a little too vain, but who knows, in a few years you might find us all sporting those delightful Red Hats (although purple isn't really my color).....Oh the sacrifices we make in the name of friendship ;)

*family I had to say that..I don't really mean it but you know how sensitive pre-menopausal women can be!

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