Saturday, May 29, 2010


Haven't blogged in a while...truth is, all that I am woman, hear me roar was bullshit baloney (B-O-L-O-G-N-A) .... I'm scared to death.
  It's not like me to get all serious and stuff but life, well life just threw me right into it...there's no joking here.  I have to be mature, responsible...I have to take control (pre-menopausal, you really think it's time?)!  And, I will, of that I am certain.   I've got an outstanding hottie doctor, a loving family and an amazing group of friends behind me but, in the long run, it's up to me, my determination, my attitude!

I don't know if it was the gallon of wine I drank, alone, last night or just my sheer stubbornness but, I woke up today, surprisingly not hungover, but instead determined, focused  and in control ... it lasted most of the day, with spurts of "what the hell" and "why me?" thrown in, but today, I knew, I'm going to survive!
I wasn't sure I should put this all in writing, these feelings, these fears, but then I thought, hey, I'm not the only one going through this, nor will  I be  the last one to and if, by some small miracle, one little, insignificant thought I share (of which I obviously have many)  helps another, even if only to show they are not alone, it's worth it.....

I've been scared before, oh  boy have I been scared..... first date, first kiss, first...... you get the gist...   marriage, pregnancy, birth, TEENAGERS, Yikes! I've had (more than) my share of scared.  But this is different and, although I will try, it's not something that can easily be put into words.  There are moments;  Strong moments where you believe nothing can bring you down.  Chuck Norris moments.  Don't mess with me tough bitch moments.  I've still got a lot left to do; Who's going to spoil my future grandchildren then get to go home and leave them for their parents to have to deal with (sweet revenge)?  Who is going to lovingly shop for (twist my arm) and decorate their houses and make them "homes" allowing me to convert their childhood bedrooms into the walk in closet of which dreams are made?  That might not seem important to you, but, as a HomeGoods-aholic, trust me it's paramount!  Who's going to make sure Prince Charming's shirt matches his shoes which match his pants (let alone remind him to put his pants on in the first place)  or, at the very least, two out of the three. sparing my children (my future grandchildren's parents) extreme embarrassment when he shows up at their very important events pantless?!
(the pic is a little crude but, you have to admit, soooo accurate!)

Then there are the weak, hard-to-breathe moments that sneak in there when you least expect them and consume you.  You know, when you're all laid back, cozy, ready to relax..POW! that's when they creep up on you like those lace undies that shrunk in the wash. Those moments that make you realize you are just one little part of this great big world, the big puzzle, the universe.   The "wedgie" moments!  But after a few adjustments,  the adrenaline kicks in, the hair grows on my chest (figuratively speaking) the fire burns in my belly (or is that the wings I ate a last night?!).....and I get through it.... I'm one of the important pieces of this puzzle and, without me, it's not complete!  I've still got a lot of unfinished business here so, like it or not, I'm here to stay!!  Bear or, if you're hot flashing too, bare with me though, it's sure to be a bumpy ride. Hell, I wasn't in my right mind before (what fun would that be?), add this inconvenience, 2 teenagers, 5 pets and the friggin' hormone changes to the mix, you can't possibly expect me to be sane now.  But,  what I can promise you is that it won't be boring!  I intend for it to be a very exciting, exhilarating journey and worth every second!!  All kidding aside, I love everything about my life! You're not getting rid of me that easily!!  Let's get this party started!

I've got dreams in hidden places 
and extra smiles for when I'm blue. 
~Author Unknown

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