Monday, April 12, 2010

COME SEE MY MENAGERIE! (Oh, them? They work for me!)

DDA flew in today and announced “I want a puppy” …. That’s funny and by funny I mean absurd, ridiculous, OUT OF THE QUESTION! ….
It’s not the first time she’s done this, in fact it happens quite often…I think she feels if she does it often enough she’ll wear us (prince charming and I) down and we’ll throw our hands up in surrender and say “Yes! Yes, You can! You can get a puppy!” … NOT GONNA’ HAPPEN! Not again, at least…..

Just because we gave in when you asked for Prescott, our family dog, yes, WE ALREADY HAVE A DOG, DID YOU FORGET?  Or the three cats we rescued, Tiffany, Mercedes and Porsche - who are as spoiled and persnickety as their names sound.   Oh! And let’s not forget about the 100 gallon fish tank in your room filled with none other than Cychlids, accurately described  as some of the meanest and least compatible fish available.  And, last but certainly not least  Fred, the long-earred bunny that just happened to show up on our front lawn one afternoon.  Still not sure if that was a farce or if  Fred  just heard through the grapevine to come to our house, “They never turn anyone away!“  And that’s just the animals that are still living! Add to that our first child, umm I mean cat, Roger, several rodents, carnival-bowl goldfish, a wild bird named Chad-Michael-Murray (don’t ask)  that took refuge in our gazebo-screen house for a few days, umpteen koi, numerous tadpoles, frogs that survived tadpoleship(?) and Sea Monkeys!  You name it, we’ve had it!  
      DDA (remember ADD backwards) means well, she really does, but she has what we shall call swiss cheese recollection for lack of a better name.   Much like the holes in that cheese, she has holes in her ideas… Think of it this way….the “puppy” is the main piece of cheese, all cute and delicious….the holes? That would be the feeding, the training, the walking, the cleaning and the cost of said puppy.  Enter me and prince charming THE KEEPERS OF THE HOLES….. Are you following?
Let’s say for arguments sake that it has nothing to do with the number of animals - what about the drama, emotion and exhaustion that goes along with it?  DDA will deny this, despite the details of her alibi changing throughout the years, but within the first couple of days that we had Prescott, our Cockapoo, 3 lbs soaking wet, his leg was broken.  Granted, no one else was in the room, and I’m sure it was an accident, but DDA was heard gasping, the puppy squealed and the leg was broken….now, I’m no detective but…..  
  So, off to the vet I went with Prescott in tow ….. I recall being called into the doctor’s office wherein they proceeded to post an x-ray of what appeared to be a chicken leg upon the light box!  It was Prescott’s leg with a clearly marked fracture!   I have two children, but this was the first broken bone in the family, on our puppy!   My eyes welled and I swallowed hard.  The doctor explained the procedure and the following treatment…Prescott would have to wear a cast on his leg for several weeks, requiring him to be litter box trained (which was a godsend in retrospect).  Weekly cast changes, of  several neon colors were required, during which Prescott rose to celebrity status in the Animal Hospital….and he was working it, much like my hambone children! 

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  1. Girl just be glad Fred's girlfriend didn't show up. With my oldest in college and my youngest in 4th grade you can not even imagine the multitude of animals that have swarmed my house. But the oldest ( the only female) is the direct result of every pet that still lives here. Note - she has her own apartment many hours away near her college and non poop/pee/feed/care of said pets. My yard is literally a pet cemetery several little grassy lumps of "those who have gone before"

  2. My oldest keeps asking me for another dog because she'll take it with her when she moves out... Um, take your pick! *pointing to all animals we ALREADY have*!! ;) ...