Monday, August 9, 2010

Are you there God? It's Me, Queen Momma.....

Don't be jealous, but recently, I got to spend not one but two entire days at  the DMV!
I know, I know, awesome right?

Hell. No!
As if taking my son, my baby, to get his Learner's Permit wasn't heart-wrenching and nerve-racking enough, I then had to deal with the "red tape" that goes along with the process.  Those jokes you hear.  About the DMV.  They're not jokes! And they are not funny.  They are merely facts that, in retrospect are so absurd you just have to laugh.

My son, having been born in the United States, naturally acquired a Social Security card/number at birth which we, Prince Charming and I, responsibly packed away with all the other "important documents" until such time as this wee little baby would need it.  We of course, noted the number and kept it in our wallets if by chance we ever had to refer to it.  Which we did when we applied for Passports.  No problem.  We retrieved the number, transcribed it on the application, and were issued Passports.  Done.
 In the days approaching my son's 16th birthday, the day on which a NY teen is eligible to get his learners permit; while he responsibly studied the rules and regulations of the road, I gathered the necessary documentation for the application and test .   Prince Charming, apparently having stowed it away so securely, however, was unable to locate the Social Security card.

No sweat! We have the SS number, his  Birth Certificate, working papers and Passport!  Surely, that would be enough........


We drove all the way to the DMV.  Okay it's only a couple of miles up the road but I wasn't headed in that direction.  Treked up the 40 or so steps to the building (that is not an exxageration!) (ok, maybe a little) walked through security; withstood the embarrassment of the alarm going off  because of my belt; was then consequently subjected to the wand search; eventually dismissed; and ultimately forced to sprint down the hall so as to make the 3:30 deadline.  We made it!  We were next in line! I whispered to my son to push the hair out of his face and smile widely, surely we would charm the attendee.  We caught our breath and confidently approached the desk only to be told, not too nicely, that despite all the other documentation,  he wasn't allowed to take the test without a Social Security card.  I turned in a huff, stormed off, and muttered something like "Idiots!".... yeah, that's right, be scared!

Honestly, I'm all for the "err on the side of caution", and "safety first", blah-blah-blah.... but let me get this straight....
You can get a Passport with a birth certificate and Social Security Number (no card needed) BUT you can't get your Learner's permit unless you have the actual Social Security card.....
 Hmmmmm, in other words,
You can travel to any country, on any airline, with anybody, and even cash traveler's checks BUT you cannot operate a car accompanied by a parent?
Ahem, I'm sorry, but am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?

A couple of days passed, due to prior obligations, but I had researched, via google, the know-all, tell-all miracle on the internet, where, when and how to obtain a new social security card.  So, with teen in tow, I drove to the address I was given which, surprise surprise, was inaccurate.  We returned to the car, headed toward the correct building and easy-peasy obtained a temporary social security card.  All that was required to do so was the number we already had and my photo i.d.

Note:  It is easier to obtain a social security card and/or a passport than it is a learners permit! ?   (are you with me here?)
 We then head directly to the DMV, go through the whole drive-40steps-security-alarm-wand (Yes, I wore a belt again! shoot me!) rigmarole; are told that the temporary card is acceptable and sit and wait for our number to light up on the screen in front of us, much like a BINGO board.  In fact, when it finally did, I had to contain myself from jumping up and shouting, that's where my head was at.  We were then directed to the testing room; teen went inside and I was told to wait in the "waiting area", hence the name!  Ironically, the benches in the room resembled church pews, and the other parents waiting all sat silently with their heads down.  I took this as a sign and proceeded to pray:
Dear God, It's me, Queen Momma, if this is what he wants, please guide my son through this test; eventually give him the necessary skills and sense to be a careful and defensive driver; and, keep him, his passengers and other driver's safe from harm.  Amen
 Oh,...... and God,.....  just one more thing, Can you send his father to DMV with him when he has to schedule his road test?! Puhleeeaasssee!!


  1. Definitely sounds like Dad gets to take a turn next time!

  2. Ohh honey. I feel your pain. Believe me. I didnt think anything was worse than the DMV in Florida......... until I moved to Ohio. I have to be medicated to go in there now. For my own good and for their safety. I have to go next month and Im not looking forward to it.

  3. Wow. Way to go Homeland Security!! Protecting Americans from the evil of adolescents with learner permits one Social Security card at a time.

  4. Ah yes. The government. So grand.