Thursday, September 16, 2010

Butts, Pimps and Wine and that's just one night!

We.  My girlfriends and I.   Are bad asses.... well not really, but we are bad! .... okay we're asses, but enough with the technicalities.

The "gang" and I went out for dinner and a movie recently.  Just us.  The ladies. No men!  No children!

I'll pause here for a minute to give you time to close your eyes and imagine.
{sounds of, well whatever sound imagination makes} 
Deep Calming Breath.   Big Wide Smile   ...Got it?  Can you feel it?
Doesn't that just bring happy tears to your eyes?  Give you chills?
A bunch of women with no balls and chains, (not literally, well, yea, actually literally too!) and
no fighting, whining demanding children.  Just other women, comrades, pals. 

It had been a looooong Summer and everyone's schedules had them running in different directions making it difficult to see each other except for the last-minute, rushed I-really-need-a-glass-of-wine-baaaaad lunches, or quick hiney bumps on the occasion we found ourselves shopping at the same store.  So we wanted to get together.  We needed to get together.   Hell, we would've been happy just sitting and gabbing on the corner together and that would've been fine too. Well that's not true either, we like our creature comforts.  Besides, hot babes like us?  Hanging on a corner?  Imagine the swarms of men waving fans of money in our faces, wanting to buy us expensive things, calling us sexy names and telling us how perfect we were. Hmmmmmm......
                                            "Hey ladies, next time, let's hang out on the corner!?" 

So we went through the usual passing of emails, crossing of telephone calls, endless texts and stop bys until we were able to coordinate all of our schedules and eventually, miraculously, were able to settle on a date, time, restaurant AND movie!  A long, exhausting process but well worth it!   A.  Ladies.  Night.

As if just the novelty of a ladies night was not enough, naturally, we ordered wine with dinner.  Well, duh!   "Little Black Dress",  fitting under the circumstances, dontcha' think?   Wait, it gets better,... hold onto your hats!  The waitress forgot to charge us for it!

Let's recap:

Ladies Night Out
No Balls and Chains
No Fighting, Whining, Demanding, Children
Dinner Cooked and Served By Someone Else

Had we died and gone to Heaven?  If we did, we didn't care!  We were drinking free wine together :)

 Somehow we were able to regain our composure and ran out of the restaurant for fear that the waitress might realize her mistake gracefully gathered our belongings and exited the restaurant.  The movie theater was just across the courtyard from the restaurant so we strolled along, cackling and snorting, the usual things a bunch of women out together do, until we reached the door at which time the Keeper of the Tickets handed each of us our voucher.  I didn't tell you about the vouchers?  With all the excitement, I must've gotten ahead of myself!  Not only did we get free wine, but we saved oodles of money on our movie tickets.  What?!  Get Out!  Mmhmmm... c'mon you can do the Victory Dance, you know you wanna! We did!

All this rejoicing had nothing to do with our ability to afford the wine or the tickets.  Clearly we could.  After all, I'm royalty, remember?  Queen Momma, the tiara?, the proclamation:
They don't just give a touched-up, google image, cyber proclamation stating you are royalty to anyone you know!  Generally I leave the tiara home when we go out.  Don't want to draw a crowd and well, truthfully, I think it's a little ostentatious.  I do, however, carry a copy of the proclamation, just in case. ;) 

No, it had nothing to do with whether we could pay for the wine or the tickets, we didn't want to.  It's a game, a challenge a goal!  It was the principle!  For example, we could have bought popcorn and soda and candy once we got into the theater also but, being mothers who food shop (or at least order from Peapod), much like the contestants on the Price Is Right, we are knowledgeable in the pricing of said staples.  So,  instead one of my girlfriends, we'll refer to her as "The Goody Smuggler" because well, because she ""smuggled goodies" into the theater.  She's perfect for this assignment.  After all, she has like a gazillion kids, she's used to lugging a bunch of crap around.  She has a system. You want to know what type of goodies? Well there was 
  • popcorn, complete with individual serving cups;
  • Dove chocolates.  (only the best for royalty);
  • Biscotti (we're not fooling around here); and
  • Wine.  Surely you're not shocked by this!  Besides, all they sell at the counter is soda, which is so unhealthy for you ;)
*Note:  We also call "The Goody Smuggler" "McGyver" in case you are trying to figure out the whole uncorking thing.

We're not just hot though.  No, with these looks come brains too! We had it all worked out.  If we were caught by the badge-wearing, flashlight wielding, pimple faced all important usher, we were going to remain calm and simply explain that it was one of ours birthday.  Are we good or what?  We were covered!

So, we ate, and drank and watched the movie, giggling when appropriate and even when not.  The night ended the same way as it started with hugs and smiles (these smiles were a little drunkier than the one's earlier but just as sincere).

Tonight was another Ladies Night but an obligation kept me from joining them this time.   It broke my heart to tell them I wouldn't be able to make it and clearly they were equally upset......until they realized it meant more wine for them! {sigh}

Love my girlfriends!


  1. Wow. I am MOST impressed with the Smuggler. Nicely done.

  2. Smuggling stuff into theaters is the best. My mom smuggled in a pizza and a gallon of milk once. She's only a little bit crazy. ;)

  3. Your smuggler is the best! And here I thought I was slick putting Mike's Hard in a fountain cup when my mom had a heart attack. Not for her, for me, at the hospital, so I didn't have a nervous breakdown when I got up there. Medicinal purposes ya know!

  4. Just how big a purse does the Smuggler carry?

  5. The smuggler wins my vote for -- um, whatever she wants, especially if she brings the Dove chocolates!


  6. The smuggler is definitely a keeper! Her bag, it's much like the one Mary Poppins had! ;)

  7. i have never thought of smuggling in liquor. youre a genius. i guess thats why they call you queen momma

  8. You're such a delight...and you have left me with an incredible need...not a desire...a NEED to go out and drink in public places!
    PS: Your profile pic is perfect. Do you share the crown? I've always wanted one.

  9. The smuggler was actually able to use a normal size handbag on Thursday night to smuggle in a Wine bottle,plastic cups and 2 water bottles (for the none winos) since the were no goodies or the 2 bags of popcorn. Also, just a tip, all that's needed is a light jacket to put over the handbag.

  10. The smuggler has many all would fit very well in our gang! ;)