Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I have decided to clean out, clear away, simplify .... not the attic, not my closet or the junk drawer (although they certainly could use it), my head...I am going to unclutter my messy mind (I said "messy", not dirty!).  I'll be pulling up the ole trash bucket and throwing away what isn't important, what wastes my time, what I haven't used (and trust me, I haven't used much of my brain lately.  Wait, what?)  In fact, I'm thinking, as a bonus during this process I might even find that part of my mind that I've lost!  Wouldn't   that    just    be    SU-PER! 

There is so much going on in my head at one time, keeping track of anything is a major challenge.  Ask me to name any one thing (or child for that matter)  and I honestly couldn't tell you!  I can't stay focused.  I get distracted.  My mind stumbles and falls over so many thoughts, by the time I get upstairs I've forgotten what it was I went up there for.  

Let me be clear though, I will not be throwing away any memories, good or bad; any dreams already realized or still a vision; or any ideas, creativity or imagination.   Oh no!  Those are all keepers!  That is my "collection of valuables".  They are the strokes on the canvas that is me, my life, my story.   It's the unimportant, petty, ridiculous things that I'll be tossing in the can.  I've become overwhelmed, I'm frazzled.  There is more "stuff" in my mind than space to store it, so I'm downsizing!

I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking what a "ditz", "nut job", "wacko" while making all sorts of facial and hand gestures; and, in some respects you might be right.   After all, I am a 40++,   natural out of the bottle blonde, mother of two teenagers.  I worked hard for and proudly accept each of those titles.  But, for now, this is my Trash "Bucket List".  I will be tossing in the can the following:
The guilt of counting calories.  I will allow myself the pleasures of a treat.  Life is meant to be enjoyed.  I am entitled to each and every one of those pretzel M&Ms (get your hand out of that bag!);

The obsessing over a mess causing me to miss out on the memories in the making.  The beds will eventually get made and the dishes cleaned (still by me, of course, but not until later);

The shame of laughing or crying.  They are the expressions of life and should be shared, not to mention the cause for each of those "laugh lines" on my face.   Each moment that warrants these types of reactions are not meant to be smoldered.  I will, however, try not to snort TOO loudly, I still have my pride you know;

The desire or need to be perfect.  (Well, considering the three previous toss aways, this is pretty much a given since I'll obviously be a chubby, messy, blubbering idiot);

The concern about what other people think.  Life is too short to worry about that.  I will sing when I want to and dance if I choose. (Make room Beyonce!)  I have learned to love myself!

The fear of letting go and taking chances, simply because I may never get that chance again;

The worry about the past or the future.  I will not waste another second worrying about what might have been or what will be.  I will, instead, enjoy every minute of every today. I have learned not to worry about what might come next.

Ahhhhhhh, I feel better already!   Now, if only I could remember where I put that Trash Bucket :\