I cried "happy" tears again today
(I know, sappy, blubbering idiot, get a grip!)....
My son, SOS had to resubmit a urine specimen (TMI?). (Yeah, probably not a good idea to tell him about this post) It appears that it is common for a child/teen, particularly an active child to have hints of calcium in the specimen if taken in the afternoon, which, incidentally, is when his physical occurred (Score one for great planning Doc). "Active" in my son's case involves sitting at the computer or playing one of several instruments (a virtual one man band is he!), so this criteria alone did not put my mind at ease. And, while the doctor did not seem overly concerned or worried, she did suggest that over the next couple of weeks we bring in a "first-morning urine specimen" to be retested. Not only did it have to be the "first" of the day but, while it could be placed in the refrigerator until delivery, it had to be at the doctor's office (15 mins. away) within an hour. "Certainly, no problem, we can do that", and we went on our merry way.
What I did next was a mistake and I urge all of you to heed my advice! Never. Ever. try to diagnose, speculate or analyze an ailment for yourself or other family member via Web Md... Granted, it could come in handy for little boo-boos and common, everyday maladies; but when it comes to the heavy stuff requiring surgery or worse, stop reading! Information Overhaul, Imagination Enabler, Stress Builder. I tried not to think about what I had read, and certainly did not want to worry my son, but, considering my medical history, naturally I was panicked and obviously was not going to be able to wait "a couple of weeks" to find out the prognosis. Since my original diagnosis almost 4 years ago, my mind, my heart, hell, my soul went through all sorts of ups and downs, loop de loops and transformations...I am the same woman, but changed...does that make sense? In some respects I'm tougher, stronger and in control. In others a mush.....in this instance, worried and concerned that there might be something wrong with one of my cubs, A BIG FAT PILE OF MUSH!
However, the office was closed Friday and then we had the weekend so, inevitably, at least three days would pass before I could get any reassurances and I had no choice but to wait. Hourly, I passed the jar which I kept on the counter as a reminder to my son (not me because no matter how hard I tried I wasn't going to forget) not to mention if I placed it anywhere else out of site I feared that it would disappear into that ominous black hole in our house that swallowed up all those other necessary and important objects or, even worse, the junk draw. But I did my best to keep myself occupied (shopping, dinner out, cocktails) so as not to drive myself crazy. It wasn't easy, but I suffered in silence ;)
Finally, Monday came. It seemed like .. well, like days.. Before waking SOS, I showered and dressed so that I would be primed to deliver his "morning", in this case being 11:45 AM, technically STILL MORNING, specimen to the doctor within the hour.
So as to avoid any contamination to the sample, remembering that refrigeration was recommended, I drove, one-hand on the steering wheel, the other holding the specimen up to the air conditioner vent.... While surprising and unexpected, all the
Finally 15 minutes later, which seemed like 16!, I arrived at the office. I scurried into the reception area, carrying the ridiculously over-sized (and I'm just noticing over-filled) plastic jar with the vibrant lime green cap (inconspicuous much?) as though I was holding the Hope Diamond and carefully placed it on the Receptionists Desk, which awkwardly stands right in the middle of the waiting room, the very crowded, very quiet waiting room, and nervously and apparently loudly announced "This is my son's first morning pee".... Pee? did I really just say that? Clearly, I was distressed. I know I must've said it loudly too because an adorably innocent little girl immediately whispered Ewww! The receptionist looked at her watch as if to question "morning"? To which I immediately declared "He's 16..." No further explanation was necessary.
The technician then appeared and I was relieved to hear that she would do the test while I waited even though I hadn't yet asked (perhaps she saw the pathetic look of concern on my face).
I knew I was anxious and tense, but what happened next surprised even me.......... when the technician delivered to me the results, I broke down and cried. Like a baby. Trembling lip and all!
The test came back negative, which in this situation is good!
It turns out all is fine! **Thanking God**
"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
I'm still an emotional wreck...perhaps I should do a little more shopping....you know, for therapy!?