This Is Not What I Ordered!!!

No matter how hard I try, life can't be funny all the time .....

I want to scream, sometimes, loudly

The kind of  loud that hurts your ears

The kind of loud that gets attention

The kind of loud that draws a crowd

I want to cry, sometimes, hard

The kind of hard that overcomes you

The kind of hard that takes your breath

The kind of hard that hurts your head

I want to run, sometimes, far and fast

The kind of fast the can't be caught

The kind of far that can't be found

The kind of run that leaves behind

This isn't what I ordered

This isn't how I planned it

This isn't what I wanted

But I can't, There's something stopping me

The kind of something that can't be seen

The kind of something that conquers all

The kind of something shared by family

Instead I whisper, softly

The kind of whisper that says "I love you"

The kind of whisper that means "I'm here"

The kind of soft that soothes the soul

Instead, I smile, always

The kind of smile that shows I'm happy

The kind of smile my children cause

The kind of smile that can't be broken

Instead I remain, hopeful

The kind of hopeful that is strong

The kind of hopeful that is determined

The kind of hopeful that saves us all

This isn't what I ordered

This isn't what I planned

But, this isn't going to beat me