NOT Mommy of the Year (and proud to accept the award!)

It's 12:10 AM and I lay in bed, awake, with a tear in my eye. 

It's a happy tear!  I can hear my son laughing while he video chats with some of his friends.  I thought to tell him to get off but didn't (Bad Mommy Moment #1) ... He just sounded so happy; and, it being Summer, there was no school to get up for the next day; why make him stop laughing?, there will be plenty of times when I'll wish he could (life happens).   Across the hall I knew his sister was also still up texting (Bad Mommy moment #2) She's almost 20, so for her to be home at all on a weekend night is unusual, but tonight she wanted to be home, for whatever reason;  I didn't care, she was home!  Despite what  many might refer to as "Bad Mommy" moments, I knew, at this instant, that I had done a good "bad" job!


Oh, believe me, my children are THE most important thing in my life and I dare anyone to harm my "babies"; but I am, by no means,  June Cleaver (dating myself?) or hmmmm let's see who can you youngins relate to?  Marion Cunningham (No?).  I've never been a do-it-by-the-book, strict regimen, Dr. Spock-Apostle type of mother.  No schedule or program was going to dictate how I was going to raise my kids (Bad Mommy moment #3, apparently the term "kids" is unacceptable unless you are referring to goats but, in my defense, you haven't seen them eat!)  I, instead, chose to mother from my heart and gut instincts.  No two children (even from the same family) are alike, how can one method of child rearing work?

I wouldn't be surprised if there were some mothers who disagree with me, maybe even look down on some of my parenting tactics and to them I say "whatever works for you!" **while rolling my eyes and sticking out my tongue, of course!** (Bad Mommy moment #4)  Oh, I've doubted myself at times and have each night prayed that I didn't make the wrong decision.  But, despite a few bad Bad Mommy moments, all-in-all I'd have to say most were good Bad Mommy moments.  (confused yet? because I am!) 

For starters, school projects.  Being the talented and creative mother that I am (not to mention having the patience of a puppy with a full bladder who's been locked in the house all day) I do help with my children's long-term assignments (long-term of course meaning last minute)!  (Bad Mommy moments #5-501, my kids are 16 and 19, trust me that's not an exaggeration).   It's not nursery school, what's with all the Arts & Crafts in Jr./Sr. High anyway?  Who the hell needs to know how to catapult an egg, let alone who wants to??  There, I said it!  Whatcha' gonna' do take away their diplomas? (Gah!, my son hasn't graduated yet!)

When my children had colds, allergies, etc. I carefully perused every medication available for that ailment, in order to determine which one would guaranty drowsiness!! (Bad Mommy moments #502-550).    I wish I still had that option  now! (Bad Mommy moment #551).

Breakfast for Dinner? Dinner for Breakfast? Sure, why not?  It's food, isn't it?  (Let's see 3 meals a day x 365 days a year...... Bad Mommy Moments #s .....okay I've lost count, but the list goes on....)

Whoopie cushions were bought, used and replaced on a need-to basis (and we've apparently rendered them quite necessary);

"Mental Health Days" off from school were awarded for absolutely no reason at all (which also required lying to the attendance office because, oddly enough, that is not a legitimate excuse?!)

Showers were skipped,
fingers were flipped (behind backs of course)
and cocktails were gulped sipped!;

There were injuries 
requiring bandages and ice.
There was one week we were in the ER. 
Twice!

Bribes were made,
beds were not, 
dishes lay dirty, 
fruits and veggies would rot;

Laundry would sit 
until it smelled like 
...........................poo poo!
And ohhhh we snacked...... A LOT! 
(still do!)

Farts, burps and "pull my finger" 
were often the family's form of entertainment
(and I would laugh.  The loudest. 
What? I couldn't contain it!);

I've been known to hide 
in the closet or vanity
Oh, c'mon, I had to!
It was for my own sanity;

I would swear and
I would scream
Of  far away places (from them)
I would dream.

There were times I needed help
When they would not listen to me
So I invented confidantes to help
"The man" and "Mrs. Witchy"

To them I'd turn when all else failed
when the kids would not cooperate
I'd tell them "they" were watching
and wanted to have a play date! 

It really was ingenious
How quickly they would be nice
You should've seen the looks upon their face
I didn't have to threaten twice!

Often Febreze was used to cover smells,
and sometimes they weren't bathed
But we all seem to have survived it,
somewhat completely unscathed!


As you can see, I'm NOT, by any stretch
"Mommy of the Year" .... (or Day or Minute for that matter)
But I'm "Mommy of the Greatest Kids" (at least in my eyes!)
in fact, they call me "Mommy Dearest" ;)